I already knew I should have postponed the date of yesterday. After the great weekend, and the mindset of this being only a dating status, I felt it was too much to have a date right on Wednesday (specially since we had casually met on Tuesday evening). It was too much in all senses, and specially because the program included DVD at my place.
Of course, while at dinner (great Japanese food) all was fine. We were outside, nice weather, nice talk, no gluing moments or "couple's" moments. As a fair agreement, since we have been dating for over one month, some dinners we split the cost. Honestly, perfectly fine for me as long as it's not all dinners. Paying time, I had some cash (not enough) and and so did he. Now, instead of dominating the bull and being in charge, he let me pay with the Maestro and now he owes me 25 bucks. That's the beginning of intimacy on an inexistent relationship.
I took a deep breath, and I knew that even though he had offered that we went to his place this time, it was common agreement to leave it to another day (it's really damn far away for me to go home afterwards). There, we start seeing the teenager boy German again.... We went home, and everyone who knows me a little, is fully aware I am not the perfect organized person. Simply not. The boxes on the hallway are to stay there, I am moving after all! It's part of the drill! but the person needs to enter the flat, and simply remove them of the way and put by the wall. As an action, I have no problem and then it comes the sentence "this is too much mess for my sense of organization".
Excuse me? You are a guest, at my place, on a date you invited (and I paid), and we are watching DVD on my place and you still change things around for the sake of your sense of organization.... Oh boy....
As polite as I can be, turned on the TV and the movie started. Of course that along the movie I came close. Who does not like a hug? And a little kiss from time to time? Well, the problem is that whenever he did something, was already irritating. After the movie I wanted him to leave. Just go home. Nothing more to do, or say. But no... the person was allocated in my couch as a donkey. All the signs to avoid the request of "I think you should go home now". Got to a point he simply turned the TV off, my TV, because he had a great idea to read Cosmo magazine and try to make me get out of my bad mood. Fine, the idea might have been decent, but he turned off the TV while I was watching!
Finally, he goes. Clearly very sad, telling things like "I bored you during this date", or "it's obvious you do not want to spend more time with me", or "I don't mind sleeping still a bit more late to be able to stay here with you a little more". Oh lord, can you be more cheeeeeesy?
This morning I sent a "hi" message just to be polite and we agreed (well, I informed) I still need time, less intimacy, less contact, more time, more me-myself-and-I.... At the end, he stated that it's clear that, and he is willing to give me all the time and space (my mind is already "willing to give me?" I do not need him to "give" me anything simply because he is not my anything! But I do control myself) and that he hopes that someday I'll let him in, even just a little bit.
I never had believed in the rebounds per say, but they to exist. I do not see myself letting him in, or opening up not even one inch. Good for the spirit, but I don't think I'll take more then that on this one... even though I promised to keep my heart and mind opened!
Xoxo
Kate
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