For the past couple of days I’ve been self analyzing (and joint analyzing with my male flatmate) my attitudes towards men and my self-sabotage tendencies.
Yesterday I reached the conclusion that I am not ready for a relationship, even thought I spread the word of being open and available for whatever comes.
To be honest, it’s not the relationship part I’m not ready to, but the broken heart one. I hate admitting it – because I’m always the first one to say it’s worthy getting burned if the experience made you happy (even if for a short time) – but I don’t think I can take starting something with a great guy, falling in love and… Being dumped again.
If not for any other reason, because I will probably be 32 years old by the time I recover from a break up that might (probably) take place 8 months from now (meeting Mr. Right + having him break up with me within 6 months).
On day to day disappointments I am a very fast recovery, but when it comes to the real thing, being let go by the man of my dreams, it can take me years to fully get over and move on.
So I concluded that that’s why I tend to push away and misbehave when I spot one of those great, nice, smart, cute future heartbreakers…
Oooorrrrr, I am just saying all this to justify the fact that I want to play with Cooper tomorrow, instead of focusing on any real possibilities (it sucks knowing myself this much, no surprises!).
Anyway, I already put Lauren on call. Tomorrow, around 10:30/11pm, she will call me to make sure I am behaving :)
Bisous
Anne
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