On Friday night, I had a dinner date with an old flame. We've dated on two separate occasions and he's wonderful: tall, handsome, fun, well traveled, gainfully employed, and nice. How can you go wrong? Well, I can't tell if it's a cultural difference (he's English) or just him, but it never seems to me that we are in a real relationship that could be going somewhere. However, he's casually introduced me to his sister and some colleagues and when we're together, he treats me like his girlfriend. However, when we're not together, a few days can go by without a word, or just a text message, and all of our time together seems to be "dates", rather than just getting to know eachother doing the mundane things. Although, it seems he doesn't do any of the mundane things that I do (grocery shop, cook, clean, watch House)...
Anyway, we had a fabulous (and very over the top) dinner with wine, champagne, and steak. Later, we went to a trendy club in the Meatpacking to meet some friends of his. After some dancing and everyone refering to me as Simon's girlfriend, I went home. Alone. After all, I can keep several men in my speed dial, but I can't very well be sleeping at all of their apartments, right? I'm attempting to keep some small level of dignity. Anyway, since then he's been in touch and even asked me to a wedding - in Italy! - this summer. Now, I think that Simon would be a great boyfriend, if he just knew how to be a boyfriend. Do we think he likes me enough to take some direction on what it is that I would need and want in order to be in a relationship with him? I can't tell if he likes me enough and is simply ignorant to the fact that I need some more affection and to set firm ideas and boundaries about what our relationship is - or if he only likes me enough to date me casually. I'm contemplating just bringing it up. Keep in mind our Friday night date was the first time we've seen eachother in 6 months. However, he called me for my birthday, New Years, and Valentine's Day. Heck, I don't even think that Valentine's Day is the same day for Brits!
So, my new plan is to see him one or two more times and take a deep breath and lay it all on the line. Tell him that I like him and think we could have a meaningful relationship, but that I only want to continue seeing him if we are going to have an honest and meaningful relationship. I'll have to explain that I'm high maintenance about attention and, although I pretend I am very easy going and relaxed, I am neurotic about relationships. (probably part of why I'm a failure at them).
All the while, I'm still hedging my bets with a few other gentlemen. When I write this stuff down I begin to realize what a hypocrit I am. I hope that you can see it comes from a fear of being alone and not out of malintent. I also hope that none of these guys ever see our blog.
xx
Lauren
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