Well, last night I was supposed to go running and cook dinner with an ex colleague, who happens to be tall, dark, handsome, and has seen me naked in two separate countries. I daydream that we'll grow old together on the beach in Panama (he's Panamanian), with little kids running around and tropical fruit every morning for breakfast. Unfortunately, he feeds this daydream by mentioning things about how we'll move down there together and open up a juice bar at the beach and live happily ever after in the sun. It makes me crazy... especially because after all of this great talk, his idea of us spending time together is normally a txt message at 10pm on a saturday night asking where I am for the evening. Not exactly boyfriend material. A little bit of background information: I've had a crush on him for 3 years, he is younger than I am, and I recently went away with him for the weekend to Mexico. I have absolutely no guts, or I'd just ask him what he thinks of me, what he's looking for, and see if I can deal with the answer. Since I don't think that I can deal with the answer, I leave well enough alone and spend time with him when I can and keep looking for the real life Mr Right.
Back to last night: he got stuck at work and it rained, so running together went down the drain. Instead, I went to the gym and met him at his place for a home cooked meal. We watched some tv and I stayed over, even though it meant an insanely difficult morning getting to work. It was worth it. Anything for the guy you have a crush on, right? He asked why I never call him or invite him to do things. Is he just feeding my crush and making things worse, or is he right? Am I unwittingly living in 1958 and missing out on great guys because I can't just take a deep breath and call them? I never call guys and never invite them to do anything. I'm terrified of the rejection. But I also figure, as learned in the 2008 classic "He's Just Not That Into You", if he wants to date me, he'll make it obvious and just ask me out. How can a girl get what she wants and be modern without being aggressive and scaring guys away? When I left in the morning, I didn't want to wake him up. I thought that was sweet of me - letting him sleep. He thought it was weird and sent me an email later that day asking why I ran out without saying Good Morning or Goodbye?? I can't seem to get it right with this guy. What I really need is to study the art of mind reading. Either that or forget about Carlos.
Lauren
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