Do you ever wonder if you are the "secret" girlfriend / hookup / date of someone? I can't tell if Carlos likes me and keeps me a complete secret, or if my expectations are completely misaligned with what is going on between us. What is going on between us you ask? I like him, I think he likes me. We occasionally go out. We occasionally sleep together. And that's where it seems to end and not be on the fast track to anything. Yesterday we were at a mutual friend's barbecue. We act like friends and nobody would ever know that 4 days ago, I was making his bed. Oh yea - except for the one guy who saw a not so discreet text message between us.
How long is long enough to wait patiently to see if someone wants to move on from hook up to boyfriend... heck, just give me dating... status.? Our basic recent history is 1 month of being in touch constantly, spending more time together - including dinner , movies, staying in, and a weekend away at a wedding. Am I being insane thinking that we should have a more official status by now? I'm so self conscious about making him feel "pressured", that I think I let him get away with anything. He may even think that this is all I WANT from him. How do I know what I can say to him without scaring him away for good? That's the dilemma I'm constantly thinking about. In the end, I don't say anything.
Lauren
Lauren, I guess it´s about time for you to ask him what's going o betwwen you two. There's got to be a nice manner to do this so that it won't look like you're putting too much pressure on him.
ReplyDeleteSophia
Painful as it is to admit that I've gone from sweet young thing to the voice of experience, it's true.
ReplyDeleteMy two centimes: You've waited long enough. Move on. No, you are not being insane...but a bit unrealistic. If you really can't tell if Carlos likes you, he's probably in it for the great sex and the bed being made for him afterwards. Sorry.
Wait no longer!
I'm guessing you are waaaay to cool to be waiting around to see if he digs you. You need to be on to the next guy. Tout de suite! Chop chop, girlfriend! I'm guessing you've got some catching up to do!
I wouldn't even try to find a nice way to ask your status. Just move on. Perhaps that will help this guy make up his mind. If not, you're the better off for it!
Gabby
http://adatingconfessional.blogspot.com
By the way: fabulous idea for a blog!
I agree with both comments, but at the same time, I think he is upset about the sms episode... I think it's time for flower dress... I mean, a week or 2 of flower dress and than you can put him, nicely, against the wall... but, what do I know?!?
ReplyDeleteBisous
Anne
Anne, You may have a very good point here about him being upset...but still.
ReplyDeleteThe flower dress idea (and the wall pinning) is charming - but I suspect it will only get our Lauren more sex and not necessarily lead to clarity about her place in his life. Perhaps as she has him pinned helplessly to the wall, she could state that she really digs him but has decided not to continue in a sexual relationship because she's more comfortable with at least an agreement to exclusivity if not some determined form of commitment when she's involved with a guy. If he's interested in continuing, he knows where to find her. Then she could straighten out that little flowered dress, throw her shoulders back, toss her hair to straighten her head into its highest position - and walk away.
No amount of manipulation or finding "the right words" will make a guy who is unclear - and uncommitted - change his mind. And if he just needs a push to commit (like some men seem to need), stepping around the issue delicately isn't necessary with a guy who's into you.
He already knows where she is in his life. It's Lauren who needs the update.
By the way: you are waaaay too cool, Lauren. (A bit of a typo in the last comment but worth repeating.)
Gabby
http://adatingconfessional.blogspot.com
he doesn't like you that much. get out while you can!
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, I think Gaby is right. My rational self says that if he wanted more, we would already be there. However, I can't help read into little messages and think I'm finding some kernel of why he would/could/should be in a relationship with me. I'm probably going to see him tonight. I have a 2 week vacation coming up and then Anne is visiting me. That should help keep me in line and maybe away from Carlos. Maybe that will make him miss me? Or at least help me to realize that he doesn't miss me... which is a major problem if I'm hoping that he wants a relationship. Until all that distraction, I can't help myself.
ReplyDeleteLauren